Why the Kindle deserves to fail miserably

I really want an eBook reader. Trouble is, my concept of such a gadget is light-years away from the #1 seller, the insipid Kindle. Words fail me when I contemplate the stupidity of the Amazon business model - clearly inspired by Apple.

http://www.computerworld.com.au/article/280250/site_removes_ebook_script_reference_after_amazon_threat/

It's like PCs if we were forbidden to run any software that wasn't sold by Microsoft, or even to advise others on how to do it. According to Amazon I should have a Kindle to read their stuff, a Nook to read anything from Barnes & Noble, a Spring Design Alex (Nook-like but better) for Borders etc, et-bleeding-cetera.

Apart from a gazillion real books (roughly 7k?) I already have about 5000 e-books, in formats including ePub, pdf, cbz, cbr, txt, rtf, doc, html and probably others I can't recall. Many are from Gutenberg, or are articles rather than books, even more are out of print or unobtainable in any other format. And since I prefer paper, I've tried 2nd hand bookshops on line & locally. So what would be my ideal e-book reader?

1. Screen big enough to read a magazine page at full size without scrolling.
2. Full colour.
3. Pages that turn as fast as paper, and by a similar motion, thus -
4. Touch screen, preferably capacitive but I'll take resistive if I have to.
5. Can run 'reader' software for the above formats, plus DRM protected files from ANY bookseller/publisher, thus -
6. Windows 7 OS, though I'd be happy with Android or any flavour of Linux as long as it works.

Since more functions = more value for us geeks, I'd also like

1. WiFi web browsing with a 3G option.
2. Local storage by SDHC or SDXC (Can't believe SD cards are going to 1TB soon)
3. HD video decoding with HDMI output.

Sounds to me like a netbook in a tablet format with an 11" or 12" screen? Battery life doesn't greatly concern me. I already have solar and wind-up rechargers and would rarely use it far from power anyway. The screen can be LCD, Pixel Qi, OLED or whatever. Couldn't care less as long as I can read it (modern LCDs don't seem to cause any problems). So what are my chances? Is that too big an ask? Should I get a 2nd hand netbook on ebay and start modding it? The only thing I'm sure of is that the Kindle and its proprietary, restrictive, monochrome ilk don't tempt me in the slightest.