Monday, August 16, 2010

Lies! All lies!

Well here we go again. Those evil, lying scientists are trying the old global warming con but I'm not falling for it. No sir, I've weighed the evidence on Fox News, read about the scientific papers from the Exxon Valdez Memorial Institute for the Unbiased Study of the Unchanging Climate and watched Glenn Beck. I know a communist plot by the New World Order when he tells me.

These white-coated frauds are just hustling for the meager, Mega bucks in, er, those Grant things, whatever they are. I've worked in uni labs and seen those so-called professors* snorting blow off the dainty insteps of their graduate students^. I happen to know for certain - because I read it on the Internet - that CO2 is good for plants, meaning bigger crops and no food shortages. Also, who cares if some glaciers melt? I wasn't using them, were you? We should be concerned about real problems like stopping the dozens of savage boat people, waving their AKA-747's and smuggling nuclear weapons in their nappies, and jumping queues right left and centre. I was jumped in a queue once and I missed the seat I like at the front of the bus. If these boat people are allowed to land, our queues will never be safe again!

Besides, Pastor Jim told us at the big thanks4giving service that believing in AGW is unGodly. Only atheist scum believe it, because WE know that God looks after his people and would never let anything that bad happen to us. He protects us from natural disasters and the works of evil men. (Some smart-alec kid started mumbling about tsunamis and holocausts but Pastor Jim's ushers took him out the back and his family got told not to talk to him no more. Don't reckon he'll disturb the faithful again!)

So if them scientists are so smart, how come they call it "undeniable"? I can deny it all I want. It's a free country isn't it?

*(So-called because that's kinda their job)
^(Parts or all of this statement may be untrue)


  1. I see you have failed to mention its a government conspiracy, -sorry Govmint conspiracy.

    It would be funny watching the denielests try to spin the ever increasing evidence for AGW, if it wasn't so serious.

  2. Here's a link to a little AGW fable:

    You might want to hand it out to the Sunday School kiddies at your thanks4giving service.

  3. You forgot to mention the swarms of killer fruit bats.

  4. Ah yes. Our former neighbour paid a fellow to come in and cut down her pawpaw trees lest they attract rabid killer bats. Sadly she sent him into our place, as a "favour", and had all of ours cut down as well.